One can only assume that you are reading this "Blab" because you are either working in Local Government, avoiding quiet time, or you have exhausted all possible non-paying porn sites and you fear that your mum will walk in on you soon.
So here we are - you checking out Terry's (Bowdo's) key to venturing the world. So what do you want to know?
OK so he is a charming wanker but is it all worth it? No not really - I think you are better off slipping me a hundy and I will jot down a route/root for you and save yourself the horror of hearing that shrieking Aussie accent.
Having said that - I am far too anal so the task would not be worth it for either of us. So no… go for it... go forth and escape to Aussie... the Poms did it and now several generations later they are practically Americans. Not too sure where Aussie Escape “APE” thing comes into it but I have seen Nick naked (the full story costs money) and I see a likeness... only he is a ginger - but you already knew that right? You did aye? …………… Fark off you didn't know he was a ginger? Check out that dorky photo of him again. I suggest you can swing a good discount if you are also a ginger. God knows you work in packs…. you weird weird people.
Who am I? I am the good looking guy who propped up your iconic travel god when we lived in Honduras. I am excellent - ask my Mum and a few of my mate's girlfriends.
Not too sure if the above sentence reads correctly but I will leave it and let the purists amongst you giggle away.
I will be quite honest with you – I have not even checked out this website. It is all too confusing for me and I think we all agree that it was designed by a messy mind and offers very little clarity. But don’t be deceived by the pre-school IT efforts, Bowdo is a capable chap and will not leave you hanging from a bridge in Bundaberg.
Take note of his offers as he is a cheap c..t so you won’t go wrong there.
If you want my advice – and I am guessing that if you have read this far you may as well take it…
• Go alone
• Don’t bother with travel insurance – if you miss a plane you are a dick and deserve to pay again (speaking from experience too!)
• Age is just a number – Nick can elaborate on that for you
• Prices are only prices in the first world – if you are white you can expect to pay more and if you complain you are a dick… get over it.
• Smiling is the best way to win over officials – bribing works well also
• The best backpack is a potato sack
• You do not need travel gimmicks – in fact, the more shit you take the more shit you stand to loose or get caught on doors. If you stick a flag on your bag you deserve to be mugged. If you have a “Boxing Roo” hanging off your backpack you deserve to be raped! …perhaps a little harsh but you get my point.
• If you are a Kiwi, Aussie or Saffa do not feel that your life depends on travelling with others from those nations… you will find that as speakers of English you will be able to communicate and travel with a number of different people. The same applies to the Scandos… you need to sort your shit out too! Poms are good value for stepping out there… but that may be due to you all hating yourselves so much. Americans don’t travel and Asians all look the same. Fark, I am so worldy!
• Listen closely to this one… DO NOT CONVERT EVERY FAAARKING PURCHASE TO YOUR OWN CURRENCY. It will get you down in the end.
• And here is one for the Kiwis… You cannot “Do” a country. One can “Do” one’s mate’s girlfriend but one cannot “Do” an entire nation. Ron Jeremy may beg to differ and I met a few German’s in the Philippines who were making every effort to prove me wrong. But I am pretty sure it is not possible. Further to that, unless you buy milk a few times from the same lady in the local shop you have not come close to experiencing the place.
And now I want to congratulate you and actually going traveling. With the ever increasing pressure to obtain 3 degrees, get a job and small mobile, nail the local virgin and pop out a few gingers one finds it stressful to say “No to the ginger babies – I want to see the world”!! And crazy cats are doing it. OK so you will no doubt have some terrible times and every now and then you will bump into jerks like me… but if you embrace the shit times and humour the jerks it will allow you to have the greatest time of your life!
Have a great time and what ever you do – do not buy a return ticket!
Robbo
Nb. Yes, I am good looking.
Aussie Escape Blogger Robbo: You Fools
